This video has all the necessary components of an awesome 80‘s video: lasers, jheri curl, “Hammer” pants, sweaty chest, and a third eyeball.

I miss the 80’s.

I don’t. My shrink still has me in weekly therapy to help me forget stuff like this.

Who knew the Island of Dr. Moreau was off the coast of India?

AHHHH! Demon marshmallow peeps!

This is the scariest petting zoo I have ever seen.

The guy dresses like he shops at Elton John’s yard sale.

I may never dream again!

I’m glad these words of wisdom and temperance come from that true pillar of our society: lusty, pillaging pirate rogues.

‘Sail with Jesus and you’ll never lose’ and ‘look at all those cute girls, woweee!’ in the same sentence?? Sharkey must be a Republican! Hahah… totally just kidding there. Sort of.

Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

Never mind – they are definitely Democrats. The other puppet is goose-stepping.

The Bloods and Crips uniforms sure have a lot of flair this season.

This whole video is a compendium of pedophiles.

These people look like some of my relatives.

Don’t talk to ANYONE, children, ESPECIALLY not the Village People!

Get the heck out of that playground, kids! You’re like fish in a barrel!

Heed the puppets.

Mustaches + puppets = a formula for creepiness.