Bennett’s Corner of Pain: Unrequited Love

February 14, 2008
 

Unrequited Love in the Hot Afternoon

Listen to this playlist on iTunes.

Ladies and gentlenerds, Regrettable Music is proud to present the first installment of “BENNETT’S CORNER OF PAIN!!!” (Take note of the multiple exclamation points. They imply great pain.) Every week Bennett will be putting together a new playlist of truly top notch bad music for you and yours.

And this week, a special playlist for Valentines Day entitled “Unrequited Love In The Afternoon”. Give to your (ex)significant other, or enjoy in your own misery! This week’s sounds include such awesome hits as…

“How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away”
“If Love Were Oil I’d Be About A Quart Low”
“Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill”

And many more!!

 
 

Pretty Donkey Girl

December 28, 2007
 

Pretty Donkey Girl

Check out the musical selection from this album.

I’ll bet this chick could pull even Eeyore out of his depression.

No way. She probably broke is heart when she dumped him for Joe Camel. I just can’t believe this is marketed to children. I mean, hello, the donkey has breasts and is wearing a skanky tank top!

…to which Darren, the married member of the group, comments:

It’s a tube top, not a tank top. Come on, boys.

What does PETA think about this?

Questionably “pretty”, questionably “donkey”… questionably “music.”

This is why my kids will only be allowed to listen to classical music.

 
 

The Mother of Balloon Music

December 18, 2007
 

Judy Dunaway - Mother of Balloon Music

Check out the musical selection from this album.

This music sounds like a nine minute fart accelerated into chipmunk-time.

Only small animals can hear this––and they’re crying!

This is payback for all those times her parents told her to “quit it with the balloon!!!!”

Yeah, she was disinherited by her parents at a tender young age.

This song reminds me of the scene where Jason stabs all those dumbass kids.

While listening to this track, Ian screams:

What the…. NAAAAAAZGÜL! The Dark Lord approacheth!

 
 

This Boat Don’t Float

August 18, 2007
 

Boat Diddley

Check out the musical selection from this album.

Boat Diddley? Is that a play on words?

I think I saw him on Bassmasters last week.

The scary part is that the “2006” in the album title dates this accurately within the past half-century. This was straight-up designed in Microsoft Word.

Battle for the bayou: Swamp Dogg vs. Boat Diddley.

Yeah, winner rides away on a huge white rat.

Was he a guest referee in Bud Bowl V?

The greatest tragedy in this man’s life was when they shut the Dairy Queen. He even wrote a song about it.

… listening to the Dairy Queen song …

“Hot fudge judgement… and soft whispers”? All I know is that it takes a lot of “hot fudge judgement” to build a body like that.

This a proud headliner in our “Southern Comfort” category for a REASON! Where else would someone write a love song to the Dairy Queen?

 
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